My Friend

I watch you friend revisit the past
Hoping to make those memories last
Chasing that unforgetable ghost
To heal that wound that hurts the most

Look forward friend to brighter days
Don't wander in you heart's decays
I'm here to listen when you need a friend
Don't ever think you've reached the end

I understand too the pain you feel
However different, my pain's still real
Yes, God's love will see us through
But we sometimes need a friend's love too

Merry Christmas

Christmas upon us as I search for that joy,
that can't be delivered by Santa or toy;
That peace so elusive it's just out of reach,
not the kind that is found relaxed on some beach;
That hope so internal, it's way deep inside,
can only be found when we remember who died;
The love that we give and love we receive,
Is a true gift to us when we sincerely believe.

Could Have

You could have said hi
Or your final good-bye
Instead of playing your silent game

You could have said hi
But didn’t even try
And I am not taking the blame

You could have said hi
Or continued the lie
Just by whispering my name

You could have said hi
But just let me cry
I’m wondering why you even came

You could have said hi
Or just a sad sigh
To let me know it’s still not the same

From A Random Visit

A maiden on the park bench sat
So verily I began to chat

Striking beauty and heart of gold
I wondered loudly how she grew old

"I married once, you know," she said
"the rejection of his heart I bled"

She tossed a laugh and crossed her brow
"Never again, that was my vow"

"Unless a love was perfect whole
marriage would never be my goal"

"Instead I loved far and wide
Never assenting to be a bride"

"One I loved for his sweet kisses
but integrity this man misses"

"Two was for his moral side
but his sense of humor I couldn't bide"

"Three and four were of the scholar type
who brushed me off with an easy swipe"

"Five was artist simple and pure
with a soul as tortured as mine I'm sure"

I went about my busy day
pondering all she had to say

Now my life craves something more
But what it was I wasn't sure

A connection that answers every dream
isn't possible or so it'd seem

So onward with the endless quest
to find the love that fits me best

Play Ball

'Tis ball season and the house is a mess
I'm a terrible housekeeper, that I'll confess
Though not lack of trying, I'm up til all hours
Cleats on the stairs and books make fine towers

The laundry that's not to be folded today
is piled to the rafters and there it'll stay
Dishes in sink stacked all a clutter
is more than enough to make a mom mutter

Three strikes and six more innings to go
then maybe my overgrown yard I can mow
Put off the chores to watch the kids grow
I hope they'll remember how I loved them so

A response to Emily

You had the right idea Ms Dickinson,
to love and pine
from afar
Away from society's close speculation
and
over inundation
that would rather
keep you in their jar.

Ms. Dickinson,
you write so often
of the rise
and fall of love
But should it so alter
I wonder
when we do falter
or can it not
boost us up and above

Oh my dear Ms. Dickinson,
your era
reminds me
when man was a gent
even after
woman's relent
and loved her
for endlessly

You had the right idea Ms. Dickinson,
to flee society
to live in perfect peace
to not let them in
All over
again
and to let their rumors
eventually cease

Agoraphobia

Some days it’s all I can do not to run back to my house,
To lock all the doors,
To keep the world out and my self safe.

I like interacting with people
To a point
I like visiting and chatting

I just don’t feel safe
Unless I am here
Locked in with the world locked out

Or with a close friend
That will protect me
From all the evil unseen imagined terrors

I used to be so confident
I knew I was safe
Until safety was taken from me

I fight this feeling
With everything I’ve got
I do not want to be it’s victim

The Words

I don't write the poetry
It speaks the words itself
I think of all the verses lost
Because I put them on the shelf

Everyday comes a new line
A thought which needs explored
I often sit and wonder
Do they come because I'm bored

The Seduction of Perdition

How sneaky and underhanded
The shallow beast;
Pity the damsel that follows

It illusions a world of
Laughter and riches;
And leaves her wandering the hallows

It influences the heart and
Bewilders the mind;
The lady falls for her beast

The demon subtly shifts
It's heart to black;
The damsel suspecting the least

The lies unfold and the beast
Is caught;
His maiden now on fire

With pacified words he calms
Her heart;
She wonders if he's a liar

His dance resumes with
An easy beat;
The lady's heart is calm

The repulsive beast
Raises the heat;
His maiden now in his palm

The devil captures and
Twists the mind;
The damsel feels her will break

Excitement and evil course through
His veins;
The lady's soul he shall take

Heed my warning or
You will be next;
A damsel doomed to his dance

Open your eyes to the
Evil surrounds;
To break free your only chance

Grieving*

Hiding in my room tonight
Crying
Like I'm a child
Praying for light

Flashes of red
Screaming
Like I'm insane
Hitting the bed

Ignoring what happened
Denying
Like I can't see
My spirit dampened

Offering a deal
Begging
Like a pauper
Yearning to heal

Trying to give blame
Wondering
Like it's my fault
Ending the game

Life moving on
Accepting
Like I give up
Knowing you're gone


*when my Mom passed away (12 years ago this month) we had a very nice chaplain come to the room and explain the grieving process to us. There are 5 accepted stages to grieving (I consider it to be 6 when you add depression/sadness into the mix), in no particular order: Anger, guilt, denial, bargaining, and acceptance.

Moving On

You walked out the door
I fell to the floor
I cried for you on my knees

Time to move on
Time to get strong
Time to look out for me

You beat me down
You made me frown
You broke every thread in my heart

Time to move on
Time to get strong
Time to look out for me

Go hide in her arms

Go hide in her arms
because you feel bad
about what you did to me
Go hide in her arms
because you don't want
to face reality
Go hide in her arms
so you can forget
how you felt
Go hide in her arms
to forget the hand
that you dealt
Go hide in her arms
because she makes
you feel all right
Go hide in her arms
but she can only
ease your night

The Calling

Looking upon nobility of the sea
Ebbing tide whispers
Follow me…follow me

Life's course has been set for me
Seagulls cry
Break free…break free

Thoughtful now I can't turn to flee
Buoy holds tight
Let me be…let me be

My savior has set me free
Steady pier
Just for me…just for me

Hidden (unfinished)

Look what I found in your pocket tonight
It's not meant for me or for my sight
What does she give you that I can't compare
All I get is your empty stare

I gave you a world of comfort and love
Now I send prayers up to heaven above
Let me be wrong please don't be lost
Leave her alone I'm worth that cost

You lied when you said never again
You don't realize I know where you've been

My Fear

What I fear is that this is who you've always been
That my shattered dream will break our hearts again
Looking back I wonder who you ever were
Are my memories of you just my selfish blur?

Do my dreams inmpose on my reality?
Am I seeing you in totality?
Are you just an illusion of my heart?
Did I ever know you from the start?

I tried so hard not to lose our connection
Not realizing it was your heart that needed protection
You tried to push me away but didn't know how
To make me leave without breaking your vow

Was I a fool to believe you were my destiny?
To expect you to have the best in me?
I gave my heart waiting for you to find mine
Refusing to see in your resistance a sign

Discouraging Sublimity

Every act an altruistic one
Denying myself both comfort and fun
Just a lost soul with an amenable touch
Using you as an emotional crutch
Feeling the upsetting of my mind
Breaking my heart to be unkind
Surrendering to submission
With my soul in opposition
Doomed to an esoteric existance
I'll always keep my distance
Rarely suffering from enmity
I'm not content in anonmity
Hardly valiant and rarely vane
I struggle to keep my voices sane
With intuition that's seldom wrong
Turning vehmemence into song
I smother the sublimity of my mind
Which keeps me in a torturous bind
Quick to believe slow to forget
Trusting has been my biggest regret